Phil S. (not the Phil of Haiku fame…this Phil is my Mad Libs buddy) sent me this image in an email. Knowing my love of art and of comic sans, he drew this picture of me and sent it post-haste in an email.
It’s almost as if he looked directly into my soul!
here
for more information.
voulez-voulez-vous all hail the Queen.
So I was made aware of this recently:
click here for teh hawesomeness…
This was, oh so good to be true…
So I am posting our submittal email. It is long. It may be boring. It may be disregarded by most of you because of these facts. I say…uh, so?
Here you are:
“Dearest ThinkGeek:
(This may need a little history first…so I am going to copy and paste from a blog entry I did):
“Last week I started this new thing where I demanded that everyone in my section of cubicles write me a daily haiku. By 10:00 am. After explaining what exactly a haiku was, I discovered that my otherwise preoccupied peers actually did it…some were so enthusiastic they would write several in a day. Some would even write one without being prompted in the morning with my direct albeit threatening reminder emails…I suppose it was our substitute for smoke breaks.”
So, this began back on July 9th…my 6 coworkers and I. To my amazement this has reached astronomical proportions, completely by accident. To date there have been 427 haiku’s composed. (I’m not sure of the apostrophe protocol of Haiku(‘s) but I’m winging it here…). So when a friend noticed your contest, and knowing my love of your catalog (most notably for your pi merchandise) and the Collective’s Great Haiku Experiment…I did not see coincidence…I saw destiny!
Since as of yesterday we had no haiku’s composed that could really be considered “techie” or “geeky”, and since we have “haiku themes” on a regular basis, the theme was set, and haiku’s were produced.
There are several authors here, but as we see ourselves as a Collective, we felt we had to send them en masse. That and some of the haiku’s tended to become a back and forth conversation between us. So my deepest apologies if this is highly inconvenient, but I feel it would be a disservice to The Collective to not submit our work together.
So.
* Your First Name: Jennifer, David, Ed, Chris, Heather, Andrew, Phil
* Your location (City/State or City/Country) Seattle, WA
* Your Haiku(s)
Here you are, with the brief introduction provided in our 82-page (yes, 82) Word document of Haiku’s:
Then we learned that ThinkGeek was having their own haiku contest
where the requirements were:
Your Haiku MUST be geeky and/or infused with a technological bent.
(and this part we thought was especially awesome):
“You can submit as many original Haikus as you like, please keep them within a single email to make it easier on us though.”
(um, not sure if the “easier on us” statement, when applied to our submittal, is quite what you have in mind, but…this has great potential, we felt…)
Without further ado.
Doom 3 is my fave
Too bad that I have a Mac
my processor sucks.
Jennifer
I can recite Pi
Up to 200 digits.
Thus have no boyfriend.
Jennifer
Open tag close tag
I adore HTML
CSS hates me.
Jennifer
Touchscreen interface
+ kids with snotty fingers
= viral bomb
Philip
Please don’t overload
Flux Capacitor. Great Scott!
We’ll never get home
Chris
Robots we will be
A data input function
Slaves to computers
Chris
Blank stare at the screen
Instant gratification
Beware tech zombies!
Chris
Hail Jean-Luc Picard
Best, Starfleet Captain, Ever
Set Phasers to Stun
Chris
Indiana Jones
Now enjoy it in 3D!!!!!
George Lucas, you whore.
Philip
Demolition Man–
When they plucked out that guy’s eyes..
Let’s stay analog.
Philip
Online gaming: lame.
Screw that World of Warcraft junk
Give me Minesweeper
Jennifer
I’m out of practice
Haikus don’t roll off the tongue
Jenn only skilled for PONG
Andrew
Late night, eyes blurry,
Yelling out “More DOTS, More DOTS!!”
Gaming is stressful.
David
You’ll get sweet lovin’
Sugar…Baby…just gotta
Finish this level…
Jennifer
Dress up in costume
To role play in the forest
Just like Robin Hood
Heather Van
Once an episode…
Computer – tea, earl grey – hot…
Damn, tea is sexy…
Jennifer
Elf ears and cloak, check.
Perfect elvish dialect,
Here I am, ladies!
David
Or you could dress up
As a powerful Sith Lord
Stand in movie line
Chris
We are SG-1
Oooh! Richard Dean Anderson!
Teal’c is hotter bald.
Jennifer
Oh the poor Asgard
Beware the replicators!
Thor is worm-fodder
Jennifer
Stargate: Atlantis
Is such a lame-ass ripoff!
Hammond is cooler!!
Jennifer
It’s the Chapa-ai!
Watch out for the goa’uld!
Wormholes are awesome
Jennifer
Sadly, SG-1’s
Richard Dean Anderson is
No Scott Bakula
Chris
Enter my Tardis
Come along! Don’t make a fuss!
Trapped with me in time…
Philip
Aw, no need to cry!
Care for a jelly baby?
Now, there’s a good girl.
Philip
You’ll never be free!
Now obey your new Time Lord–
Serve my robot dog!
Philip
I have to quote Phil…
“Ignorance is my weapon!”
That’s funny right there…
Jennifer
YES! Continuum!
The One I’ve Been Waiting For
Netflix Is My Friend
Ed
Oh we are the Borg
We will assimilate you
Our skin is nasty
Jennifer
We are perfection!
And resistance is futile!
You organic slime!!!
Jennifer
We are Locutus!
No tea earl grey hot for you!
Number one? Hello…?
Jennifer
Rejected CC
Wrong number? Three digit code?
Insufficient Funds?
Chris
Poor Lieutenant Yar.
Engulfed in a pool of goo.
So embarassing.
Jennifer
Commander Data
“Oh no, my emotion chip!”
Such a whiner now.
Jennifer
Q is Teh Hawesome!
He toys about with Picard.
Most enjoyable.
Jennifer
Picard to Riker!
On screen! Engage! On my mark!
Warp 2! So bossy!
Jennifer
You forgot Geordi
He works on the engines and
Hosts Reading Rainbow
Chris
And what about Worf
Always struggles with temper
That silly Klingon
Chris
These were pulled from the previous Collective’s Collection:
evolutionist
psuedointellectual
congratulations
Andrew
Dot, dot, dash, dash, dot
Dash,dot,dot, dash, dot, dash,dash.
Dot,dot, dot, dot, dash.
David
The Web under seige
Invading the blogosphere
Haiku’s will conquer
Chris
Plant energy source,
They cannot live without it.
Photosynthesis.
David
Photosynthesis
Lets just pick random words now
What a crock of poop
Philip
Photosynthesis
Makes plants Photosynthesize
As in the act of
Chris
Oh the green green leaves
Photosynthesis takes place
Yummy food from sun!
Jennifer
Photosynthesis?
Doesn’t happen at my house
My plants are all dead
Heather
Accursed sunlight!
Photosynthesis shall fall!
Methane sea Vents WIN!!!!!!!
Philip
Nothing grows in here
Darkness is all pervasive
No seeds will blossom
Andrew
In the dark I take
Pictures of plants, so why no
Photosynthesis?
Chris
I.T. just called me
seems that we crashed a server
Go team venture go!
Andrew
3.141
5926535
8979
Jennifer
Comic Sans, Woo-hoo!
I’m festive and appealing!
Use it everyday!
David
XBOX 360–
Finally it’s worth owning…
Fable 2 is near!
Philip
Got My Brand New Wii
Won’t Be Playing Much Else Now
Make Room And Fear Me
Ed
Forget Fable 2,
No other game but Lo tro,
Nothing else matters.
David
I’m still stuck playing
Guitar Hero III but can’t
Wait for Fable 2
Chris
Cry myself to sleep
Jacked up my home computer
No internet now
Cannot surf the web
World of Warcraft must now wait
Blankly stare at walls
Andrew
OUCH! My Worst Nightmare
To Not Have World Of Warcraft
Should Just Kill Me Now
Ed
Wikipedia
Random Article Button
Brain degredation.
Jennifer
finis
So, we might be disqualified by sheer overwhelming mass alone, but I’m just excited to send this out there somewhere. This is probably more haiku’s (again the apostrophe protocol disclaimer) than you planned on receiving for the entire contest, but if nothing else it might provide some relaxing light reading…
My humblest regards,
Jennifer and the Collective”
*fingers crossed*
voulez-voulez-vous…discarding humility for a moment…I can accomplish some damn cool things when I’m focused…long-live OCD!
*oh, my, there is the moststunning sunset right now…
So I climb aboard the #8 bus to Seattle Center via Cap Hill and as I sit down I notice an assortment of coinage on the floor. Being hot on the heels of The Great Seattle Times Penny Experiment, this was just too good. I stifled a giggle so as to not arouse any suspicions that yet another mad vagrant made it onto the bus. I look at the floor. I look at the pennies. I must photograph this, I think to myself.
Only problem was, there was someone sitting next to me.
It then occurred to me that someone sitting next to you on the bus taking pictures of the ground might arouse even more suspicion than the aforementioned giggling, so I paused. My seat-mate didn’t seem like the type to go postal if I tapped her on the arm, so I did so.
“Excuse me…”
She removes her earphones.
“Yeah?”
I was going to take a picture of the floor, and I noticed your foot was there, and wanted to see if you minded…”
She laughs.
“Oh, no i don”t mind…”
I smile.
“Awesome, thanks. I didn’t want you to think I was some creepy bus-perv with a foot fetish…”
She laughs again. Asks:
“Can I ask what you’re taking pictures of?
“The pennies on the floor…”
She clasps her hands over her mouth and gasps…
“Oh, I’m sorry…I dropped those earlier…”
I say,
“Oh, no no no please, this is perfect; i just need to blog about this…”
“yeah…” she says. “I dropped them all when I sat down, and was going to pick them up, but thought ‘fuck it’. ”
“You have no idea how perfect that is…” I say.
So, there is photo #1. i hope you enjoyed it.
Photo #2 and accompanying (albeit less entertaining) narrative:
Phil and I had decided to take the Great Penny Experiment one step further. We scattered the pennies on the floor between our cubes as usual, but Phil had other plans. He kidnapped David’s can of Mandarin oranges in light syrup (David had been trying to pawn them off on us for days; no one trusted them, so Phil thought he was justified in absconding with them) and strategically placed them alongside the discarded coinage to see if people would bend down to pick up the oranges, but not the pennies.
I must add that by now, most of the advertising floor is onto us with the whole penny business and as such they pretty much disregard any weirdness going on in our row of cubes. This proves challenging to our experimentation and we’re considering relocation.
So, nothing spectacular to report on the oranges vs pennies front. I was keeping a tally at one point. i think at last count it was oranges: 3, pennies: 0, since those who opted for the oranges didn’t actually get to keep them. (We told them it was for the good of science and mankind and if they really wanted oranges they needed to get their own).
Turns out we were doing them a favor.
As the day concluded we gave up and I opened the can to nosh on them a bit since I had forgotten my lunch. Shared with Phil. He got pissed. They tasted like ass.
Phil has now built up an arsenal of pennies in his desk and has resorted once again to using them as projectile weaponry (most notably at me) as the experiments seem to have become fruitless.
voulez-voulez vous find a penny pick it up, then all day you’ll have…mandarin oranges. But not really.
Niff.Dot 