>musings on a Smurfette.

I have a theory that Smurfette was just Papa Smurf in drag. Interesting to see what feedback I get on this.

Theory aside, it turns out that she was magically created from clay by the Smurfs’ enemy, Gargamel, so that she would use her charms to cause jealousy and competition amongst the Smurfs in order to cause their fall. He left her in the forest and a passing Smurf took her to the Smurf village, where she was kept out of kindness.

Gargamel’s plans didn’t work well at first, as her appearance was flawed. He had designed her in such a way that she might be attractive to a sad and despicable person like himself, but to the Smurfs she looked like just a male Smurf but with long spikey black hair and a dress. She tried to be feminine and considerate, but was unattractive and proved to be more annoying than seductive.

Papa Smurf took pity on her when she became depressed because the other Smurfs teased her about being fat, so he practiced plastic Smurfery on her for several days and nights in order to make her the beautiful and appealing Smurfette the other Smurfs know today. This time, she caused almost every Smurf of the village to fall in love with her.

Alas for them, it did cause violence and jealousy as schemed by Gargamel, causing chaos among the Smurfs who competed, fighting against each other to win Smurfette’s heart. She herself later convinced Poet Smurf to open the water dam just to see the spurting water, but the dam got stuck and the village was flooded. After struggling to close the dam on his own, Papa Smurf showed his frustration towards the trouble-making nature of Smurfette, who, offended, announced that she would “return to the great sorcerer Gargamel’s”. The Smurfs were shocked about this statement, and Smurfette was put on trial.

The Smurfs, blinded by their passion towards her, declared her not guilt, as Jokey Smurf, her attorney in the trial, claimed that Judge Papa Smurf was the one who made her attractive. Brainy Smurf, as the prosecutor, was booed and pelted with tomatoes, just as much because of the audience’s love for Smurfette as their dislike for him. Still, she felt sorry for the trouble she had caused and ran away into the forest.

The Smurfs got their revenge on Gargamel by using the same process that he had used to make the Smurfette, but in this case they built a man-sized, wart-covered, ugly old hag who talked Smurf Language and chased the horrified sorcerer all over the forest.

Smurfette returned occasionally to the village though she found that her presence still aroused (heheh) conflict. When the Smurfs argued about which one should marry her, she herself chose Grouchy Smurf had customarily stated “I hate marriage”, thus making her point that the subject was closed.

The Smurfs then moderated their passion for her, worshipping from a distance, and she settled permanently in the village. She even learned to talk in Smurf language when previously she had talked in straight human speech in accordance with Gargamel’s magic.

Considering that the Smurfs were a Saturday morning cartoon, perhaps introducing the concepts of raginag male hormones, female insecurity, stereotypes, diva-egoes, precursors to eating disorders, plastic surgery and self-esteem issues to the impressionable young minds of 7-year olds (hey…that was me!) is far more damaging than the so-called objectionable content in Sponge Bob.

So rather than indulging in a delayed irritation and pissed-off-edness and what kind of message this bleached out attention whore may have had on the minds of my generation, I prefer to stand by my opinion that she was Papa Smurf in drag.

At least that way I can forgive her bleaching her hair and getting extensions.

Voulez-voulez-vous dontcha wish your Smurfette was hot like me…

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