Don’t try to one-up me on crazy Part II


The pizza-seeking panhandler and Boon and I parted ways, he (presumably) off to fetch some of Hot Mama’s goods and Boon and I to…to…well to be honest I don’t remember. Some bar somewhere. After strolling down Broadway for a bit Boon decided she needed some cigarettes. So we popped into Rite-Aid for this purpose and on the way to the cancer-stick section we were distracted by the Easter Aisle. (Heh. Easter Aisle.)

As we perused the blue glitter silly putty, the cracked-out looking chocolate bunnies…lamenting over merchandise which could have massively contributed to the epic Peep Massacre 2010…Boon momentarily excused herself to purchase her intended item. She returned abruptly.


“Yeah?” I said, as I examined a pair of glittery pink bunny ears.

“I want you to stay right…here.”

I looked up.

“Just let it go. Just stay here…a minute.”

This is where suspicion set in.


Boon was trying very, very hard not to laugh. Boon was trying very, very hard to get me to stay where I was.

“He’s out there, isn’t he.”

No reply.

“Niff – “

“Boon…I got this.”

I made my way out of the Easter Aisle and lo and behold. The Pizza Panhander was at the head of the line, sans pizza, causing a drugstore logjam as he scrounged around his knapsack for the last bit of change he needed to buy a pack of menthols.

“What are you gonna do?”

“I believe I’m going to mess with him. Again.”

Boon started laughing, shaking her head at me, wondering, I’m sure, how long this lunacy was going to continue.

I made my way to the head of the line and positioned myself behind him, far enough so he wouldn’t detect my presence, but close enough so when he about-faced a confrontation would definitely occur.

Which is exactly what happened.

He turned, startled that someone was standing there, looked up slowly, then recognition and simultaneous terror slowly crept across his face. All I said, in a low voice, was:


And he scurried as fast as possible out of the store, to the confusion and curiosity of the other Rite-Aid patrons.

I thought Boon was going to piss herself. I thought I was going to piss myself.

And that’s it, that’s the end of the story. Well, except for our walking down Pine and some other guy asking me for a dollar and my poor impulse control kicking in:
“NO! Because you’re all LIARS!” and storming off.

There’s probably some secret panhandler APB alert with my picture on it circulating around the Hill with the express instructions to stay the hell away from me because I’m bat-shit insane.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed it.

Voulez-voulez-vous the end.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s