>I need a good fragging.

>My husband is the shiznit.

He calls me.

“Hi Zadough”

“Hi Schweets”

(Yeah, like we’re the only ones with goofy-ass pet names…)

“I got you a present.”



“Well, what is it?”

“I’ll give you a hint. It’s white, with some green…is wireless, plays DVD’s…”

“Oh you did NOT!”

“I did.”

“Dude, those things aren’t cheap!” (I was about to realize the ridiculousness of this statement…)

“But you’re Zadough!”

“How much did that set us back?”

“You’re gonna be mad…”

“Just tell me…”


(This is where the realization of the ridiculousness of my ‘cheap’ statement sinks in.)

Apparently he did not just buy any ole XBox. Oh no. He bought this.

Via Amazon.com:
Product Description
Are you ready for the next generation of insane gaming? Then dive into the Xbox 360 Pro Gamer’s Bundle and invite your friends over for some serious gaming. This bundle scores you the hottest gaming system around, the Xbox 360 System, two months worth of rentals from Gamefly.com (rental period begins when Gamefly.com rental card is activated, no additional purchase is required), a one-year subscription to OXM (subscription begins when Gamefly.com rental card is activated), and SIX of the most eye-popping “E”, “T” and “M” rated software titles to keep you busy until your thumbs go numb! Test your skills with these amazing games…Quake 4, GUN, Call of Duty 2, Tony Hawk’s American Wasteland, Ridge Racer 6, and Condemned.

Holy crap, man.

I assure you, he doesn’t do this all the time. But I’m not a fan of jewelry and clothes, so he’s gotta spend money on something.
The motivation for this grandiose purchase lies in a recent doctor’s appointment I had.
My doctor is in the process of trying to find the cause of my excessive bruising and nosebleeds. This has involved some blood testing (hence the blog about the inhumane band-aid/cottonball situation) and a great deal of worrying on my husband’s part. A great deal. He’s a sweet man…he just loves me very very much. So I think in an act of desperation and diversion he bought me this uber-cool get-well present in an effort to take some of the focus off of my medical situation, which in my opinion, is no big deal. But I digress.

Aside from the shockingly large price tag, this thing kicks ass. The major selling point for me is that it comes with Quake 4!!!!
I first became addicted to Quake when Quake III Arena came out for the PC in late 1999. It was the first online multiplayer first-person shooter I’d ever played, and it, too, was the shiznit. I was in college when it came out, which proved to be a problem. I spent way too much time fragging instead of studying. When I was feeling particularly ornery I’d hop into arena rooms, throw an all-caps “I AM A GIANT PURPLE BUFFALO!” into the void and bail just as swiftly. It was good times.

Ironically, after my husband and I finished college and moved out here, I didn’t play so much anymore, though I had much more time on my hands. I had discovered hiking, and felt that was far more fruitful than engaging in a testosterone-laden fragfest everyday. My priorities were all messed up.

We’ve had an XBox for several years, though in the past I never played it much. ‘Till he bought me Doom 3 last year. Holy shit. I played that game sooooooooo freakin’ much. It was unhealthy. Every spare minute, trying to get to Communications, Alpha Labs, get this PDA, find the missing scientist, find more shotgun shells ‘cuz the shotgun was my favoritest weapon ever…I played so much that I would dream I was in the damn game. (They should offer Gaming Therapy for this sort of thing). I still play it 2 or 3 times a week, but have hit a roadblock with which I am irritated due to the fact that I am having rocket launcher location issues. I can’t find the damn thing. I make it all the way to Hell, meet up with the Guardian, who is this guy:

And can’t do a damn thing about it ‘cuz I can’t find the rocket launcher. Chaingun, yep. Plasma gun…oh, sure. BFG even, hoo-yah. I even found a damn chainsaw. But it figures, the one weapon I need to defeat the Guardian and acquire the ultimate weapon, the Soul Cube, is frustratingly out of reach.

Y’all think you have problems.

It’s all good. To hell with Doom 3. (heh). As of tomorrow I will have Quake 4 and life will take on a whole new meaning. I have already set up my XBox Live User ID and will be ready to kick some ass when I get home from work. The challenge, however, lies in this: I have only ever played Quake on a PC. XBox controllers are slightly different than a keyboard. I have some serious training to do.

We should get together a blogsphere arena and get everyone on Quake 4 fragging the crap out of each other. Any of you fools wanna take me on…bring it. I’ll kick yo’ asses six ways from Sunday you sad-ass keyboard jockeys.

That is all.

5 thoughts on “>I need a good fragging.

  1. WestsideKef

    >So addicted to Half Life 2 right now, oh and Civ IV, oh and Killzone, oh and Katamari, oh and Shadow of the Colsosus, oh and… nevermind, I am a video game nerd. Fortunately I can only play any of these games a couple hours a week now.I hope you’re doin’ ok. I’ll be praying for you.Kef…


  2. Anonymous

    >HaHa!! I win dirty girl! You no publish no more blog because I is winner! Now Fat Dariush will go down too! He probaly hard to push down though becuase he so FAT. Not skinny like dirty girl.Win Win!


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