>There is a drawback, at least in my case, to overcoming a cold.

When I’ve recovered from an illness, so joyous am I at the reclaimation of health that in an expression of great joie de vivre and exhuberance I thusly become thoroughly annoying.

Especially when that joie de vivre is coupled with one or two cans of Red Bull.

Very few things on this planet are as destructive or perilous.

Well, perhaps with the exception of Old Navy ads.

So I have spent a majority of my workday alternating between playing “Lazy Sunday” on Google Video and the “Colonel Sanders/Orange on a Toothpick” scene from So I Married an Axe Murderer. You can only listen to these so many times before your brain folds in upon itsef. How many times has not yet been determined; further study is required.

You know that cat that was just in here? Just ran out the door? Well, he comes up to the counter, you know, and I say, “What’s the word, turd?” and he lays down this burrito, and he kinda looks at me, kinda stares at me, and says, “I have but recently returned from the Valley of the Shadow of Death. I am rapturously breathing in all the odors and essences of life. I’ve been to the brink of total oblivion. I remember and foment the desire to remember everything.”

Daft little pillock.