The Niff Manual.

The saying: stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results…

Yeah. Haven’t quite caught on to that one yet.

I know I don’t like blogging about “daily blah life stuff” buy hey, everyone needs a Live Journal moment now and again. And this is a blog to myself, so bite me.

So I know one of the things that will help me out of my abyss of self-imposed stupidity, and one is (gulp) a damned therapist. The “just let it go already!” thing? You know, the thing your friends yell at you while shaking you by the shoulders when they’re tired of you bitching about the same damn thing for the 47th time? Yeah, I lack that skill. I need a Rocky-style coach or something. Or electric shock therapy. Maybe a lobotomy if options A and B prove unsuccessful. Something to turn off the hamster wheel in my head because that little squeaky bastard is giving me a headache.

I need my yoga classes back! I feel like a bad-ass when I’m in yoga. And I take better care of myself. Which improves my self esteem. And my frame of mind. Which will help with my jaded, cynical attitude I’ve sunk my feet into the last week and started flinging the unpleasant muck at people who don’t deserve it. People don’t like that. Makes them not want to hang out with you. Go figure.

I need to be more responsible with my finances…money stress sends me into a shame spiral quicker than (almost) anything, and I start conjuring images of my being old and alone and living in a cardboard box eating two-day-old Spam sandwiches out of the trash because I have no retirement saved, etc etc…

I need to quit thinking I want a boyfriend. Right now men are kind of on my shit list anyway. I need to work on all of the above first and then deal with *that* train wreck. At least I don’t disappoint myself as often…(I warned you…cynical and jaded…). My working on my health, taking yoga, art, etc, makes me feel so much better about myself than a boy asking for my phone number anyway. Right…?

(Just say, “Right!!”)

I finally got a job, so that stress is out of the way…a job I LOVE, so, ‘check’!

I need to stop being so concerned about what people are doing/thinking/etc that has nothing to with me. Paranoia should only exist in the Witness Protection Program.

(Niff: People are not always thinking the worst about you. Stop that shit. Only a few are and you can’t do SHIT about it so let it go. For fuck’s sake. A lot more people are fond of you than you think there are.)

I need to establish and maintain my personal boundaries better. I need to quit being such a damn pushover and speak up for what I want.
(What do you think? Do you think that’s a good idea, because if you don’t I can leave this part out of here…)

I need to quit comparing myself to everyone and feeling like I come up short in some or every way possible. Because it makes me sad. And it’s absolutely a stupid behavior.

So, I think this pretty much sums up everything that makes me insecure, mildly unhappy, or everything I think I need to work on to make me a secure, grounded and pleasant human being. I mean, I’m mostly happy and pleasant, but far from grounded and secure. So this is my memo to myself. And, when I get to the therapist-peoples, I can just sit down, hand them this piece of paper, sit back in the comfy chair, and announce, “Here you are…now…fix me!”.

That is how it works, right…?

voulez-voulez-vous I’m not Bob Vila but I do play him on TV…