Abject fail. My lower back is killing me. I’m getting old. Youth and vitality fail.

My boss is going to give me a damn heart attack. He tends to randomly scream arbitrary phrases, yell at people on the phone…but this happens in the dead of quiet so when it happens, it causes my heart to jump into my throat and pee the floor. I’m going to have a goddamned coronary. He said he was going to sell my dog to the (insert racial slurs here) at the Teryaki restaurant down the street. I told him that wasn’t cool and now I’ve been instructed shut up for the rest of the day. I think that will make answering the phone a problem. He then asked me if he had any appointments today. I just stared blankly at him. This was not well received.

Now he’s yelling at someone on the phone…it’s very entertaining. He insults people, instructs them to rot in hell, screams “WHAT??” when he answers the phone, I’m threatened on a regular basis, as well as my dog…I feel like I should wear a helmet to work. His favorite line is, “The end is near”. And everyone is crazy. Except for him. He’s somewhat biased.

Why so angry??

I noticed this morning that Doppler is terrified of my electric toothbrush. I think he’s under the impression it’s attacking my face. He ducks and runs away, whines, sometimes even barks at it. I didn’t realize a toothbrush could be so threatening. This information does come in handy, however…I could use it as a deterrent when he starts scratching up the carpet or jumping on people. That’s something they never suggested in Puppy Kindergarten.

Voulez-voulez-vous…uh, shit. I got nuthin’.