I’m treating insomnia with iPhone fed Wikipedia Loops. I only have a desktop computer so I’m forced to use my cellular device as a means of amassing ridiculous amounts of trivia. For instance, on this day in history, in 1808, “Ludwig van Beethoven premiered his Fifth Symphony, currently one of the most popular and well-known compositions in all of European classical music, at the Theater an der Wien in Vienna.” and that “Aquila bullockensis, an extinct species of bird, is the oldest known true eagle from Australia.”

I figure if nothing else, I could absorb random pieces of information completely inapplicable to my career path and general daily life. I theorize this will improve my “Jeopardy” skills, though I don’t have television so I may have some difficulty testing this. I’m also filling up pages in my sketchbook with more (wait for it…) rose windows which, again, isn’t altogether useful, since I have two commissions leaning against my apartment walls. But in my defense, they won’t fit in my bed and there’s no way I could handle a paintbrush with Doppler’s opinion that both the bed and my torso make a suitable trampoline.

There are a combination of factors that have been contributing to my sleeplessness as of late:

1. I have annoyingly loud, boisterous, hyperactive neighbors above me that seem to enjoy engaging in Sumo-wrestling like activities beginning at 10:00pm and carrying on well past midnight. I have no evidence that they are engaging in Japanese full-contact sports in their living room, I’m just deducing by the amount of noise and thumping from overhead, though in their version there is much more laughter and shouting. There are often intermittent jogging noises up and down the hallway. (Pardon the pun, but it’s similar to the Doppler effect of “thunka-thunka-thunka-thunka…”) Very “Poltergeist”. I’d actually feel better if it were a result of paranormal activity. The dead have a hard time controlling themselves. See zombies. Due to my growing irritation and distaste for these nameless, faceless entities above me, I have assigned the blame for the “Free Project” in my hallway to them solely, whether they be the responsible parties or not.

That’ll learn ’em.

2. I am convinced I have some sort of naturally-occurring chemical in my body that causes my energy levels to spike beginning at 7:00 pm. This would be ideal were I a bartender. However, my waking hours range anywhere from 5:30 – 6:15 am, depending on how little sleep I’ve gotten. I also suspect nanotechnology, or genetic markers.

3. My intensely uncomfortable Winter Dry Skin Syndrome coupled with the inability of my feet to stop wiggling when I am attempting rest.

4. My dog, too, has become nocturnal. Which involves the following:

1. Jump on the bed
2. Jump off the bed
3. Pace the kitchen floor (clickety-click, clickety-click.)
4. Crawl under the bed, making sure to thump around a bit so I’m surrounded by “ka-thunks” on all sides.
5. Bring me toys
6. Bring me his empty food/water bowl.

I fear in my sleep-deprived madness I will end up duct-taping him to the wall.

So I end up saying “fuck it” and instead engage in mindless albeit restful activities. Watching The Big Lebowski has become a fast favorite. Coupling. X-Files episodes. Playing Scrabble on my phone. Debating whether or not Frosted Flakes really are “Grrrreat”. Staring at the ceiling wondering if my glare and obvious rage is penetrating my ceiling and thus their floor manifesting in a swarm of bees or a case of leprosy in their apartment. Then I realize, no wonder I can’t sleep. I’m a goddamn anger-ball.

Voulez-voulez-vous “Sleep is like the unicorn – it is rumored to exist, but I doubt I will see any” -Unknown